I was very wrong, things got a lot worse this weekend. On saturday morning I met with my mum in town and we went for a drink in a new cafe. It was all very nice until she started commenting on my weight! Now I love my mum to bits but she mentioned the fact Im overweight SO many times this weekend that I actually lost count.

I think what made me so cross about this is the fact that I know I need to lose weight and I have been making some very positive steps to do so. Yes I have got a tin of chocolates in my room, shock horror, and they have been there since before christmas! I have one occasionaly but at the moment I very rarely eat chocolates, I dont even remember the last time I had a packet of crisps.

I was feeling really good about myself on Saturday as I was leaving the house to meet my mum and now I feel like total crap. I feel fat.

I know my mum cares about me and I know she is concerned about me and bout my health, but she seriously damaged my feelings this weekend :(

Anyway, Im home now and Im starting by making my lunch for tomorrow so I dont have to buy something as Im not only overweight but over poor.

Goodnight everyone xxx

I wish I could say my first entry is a good one and a happy one, but then I would be lying. Maybe I have joined Live Journal because I need somewhere to keep track of all my thoughts and feelings, like a diary. I've never been very good at keeping diaries, I never had the time to fill them out, hopefuly this will help...

My life feels like it is falling apart at the moment. The New Year started off really badly and it just feels like it is getting worse as the time goes on. Each time I think my life is getting better and things are looking up, something comes along and messes it all up :(

The New Year started badly because my boyfriend, Matt, chose to spend his new year round his friend Nathan's and not with me. It was partly my fault too though as I refused to join him at Nathan's. I just wanted to actually go out in town for New Year celebrations. I had always spent New Year with my family at home, inside. This was the first year I had been invited out, in town, with some of my friends. Thing is, Matt didnt want to come out with my friends, he'd rather be with his friends. It sounds so petty now. Anyway, so I did my own thing and he did his. As it came up to 12pm I phoned him to say Happy New Year, 12 on the dot. He hung up on me twice, so me being the determined person I am, I went up into the girls toilets of the club and phoned him up to say a proper Happy New Year and to let him know I had actually ended up wishing I was with him...

This time he did answer though and he still wasnt happy that I had gone out with my friends. The first thing he said to me in the New Year was: 'You've been cheating on me'. I was shocked and I didnt know what to say. We had promised each other that this year would be a fresh start for both of us, things had happened in the past and we decided that this year we would start again. So I said to him that I couldnt go through another year of being falsly accused and that it was over. And that was it. It was over. As simple as that.

So that was the first poo thing to happen this year, bang on the dot of the New Year. Not a good start.

Now I have been told by my boss that she has a 'gut feeling' that I cant detatch myself from the kids I look after at work and so she doesnt think that I will be able to stay on there. I started the job in September after dropping out of a Nursing course at Swansea University. Starting this job was the best thing that had ever happened to me. It helped me to realise that I wanted to go into the career of teaching. Suddenly Im being told that it could all be taken away from me because she thinks I cant detatch myself from the group I work with. I think this is highly unfair. I started working with this group of 26 students as their Learning Support Assistant from the day that they started the school. I have been in every one of their classes, everyday for the last 6 months. I have asked to be put into other classes, with older students and they have agreed but then not followed through. If I lose my job I really dont know what I will do.

I really dont think my year can get any worse than this but I guess time will tell.
Im hoping my next entry will be a happy and joyful one, but Im not holding out any hopes...